Single Again?

Unless you love someone nothing else makes sense.  Anonymous

Listen, if you’re single again and discouraged about finding a partner, there’s hope.  Here’s a checklist for those who want a life-long relationship.  It’s worth working for since there is little that influences the course of your life more than the choice of a partner.  So, if you’re single and want more than “let’s live together and see what happens”, this checklist is for you –

1. Are you ready to be a good partner?  Review my earlier post, “What Do You Mean? I Think That I’m A Great Partner.”  Ensure that you’ll be great partner.

2. Are you able to financially support yourself, a partner, and children should the need arise. You need to know that you’ll be okay financially.

3. Are you willing to give another person influence on how your energy, time, and money and are spent?  You’ll want influence and so will your partner.  You can’t be happily coupled and live a single lifestyle.

4. Are you clear on your sexual identity?  Deception is unethical and unkind.  You can’t be what you’re not.

5. Are you willing to say what you want sexually?  Be authentic.

6. Are you willing to hear what your partner needs and wants sexually?

7. Are you clear on what you want in a partner given your personality and goals?  Who would be a good fit for you?  How much would the two of you need to compromise to have a good life together?

8. Is your potential partner ready for a loving partnership? Is he/she –

• Able to love and respect people?
• Enjoying his/her personal life and work?
• Willing to move from a single lifestyle to a coupled one?
• Willing to work with a consultant who can help with issues like religion, a place to live, money, and sex?
• Committed to making decisions based on a solid moral foundation?  You can build nothing with a deceiver and/or a thief.

9. Are you willing to interact with your potential partner’s family?  Is he/she willing to interact with yours? Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays and anniversaries will come around and you’ll need to deal with them.

10. Are you willing to deal realistically with –

• Alcohol and drug abuse/addiction?
• Continuous arguing with no resolution in sight?
• An unwillingness to express an opinion?
• An insistence on having one’s way?
• Infidelity?
• Physical and emotional abuse?
• Deception?
• An unwillingness to forgive?

The basic concept is –

• Be ready for a relationship.
• Find a partner who’s ready for a relationship.
• Find a partner who’s headed in the same direction you are.
• Find a qualified advisor and use him/her.
• Realize that commitment is essential for emotional and economic security.

Get the information you need so that you’re successful. Clergy and therapists can answer specific questions and help you evaluate your relationship.  You may find that couples who have good relationships are good mentors. Classes, books, and blog sites, like this one, can help.

 The rewards are great for those who truly get ready for a relationship and for those who wisely choose a partner.  A healthy relationship is truly life-giving.  

Tagged as: communication, counseling, couple, couples therapy, ethics, finances, goals, habits, husband, lifestyle, love, marital therapy, marriage, morality, partner, psychotherapy, relationship, sexuality, single, understanding, wife, wisdom

Categorised in: Couple, Marriage, Single